Playing with Your Child - How to Start It, Why It’s So Important

In these busy times, when parents and children have schedules packed to the max, family closeness can fall by the wayside. Most of us have to make an effort to guarantee that work, school, sports, and chores don’t swallow up the very relationships that make those things important.

When is the last time you played or goofed around with your child? Can you remember back that far? Many parents can’t. Life has made us so serious, so focused, that we’ve lost the joy of the simple things, and play was one of the first to go.

But as any child instinctively knows, play is essential to life. It brightens the heart and lightens the spirit. For kids, who live closer than we do to nature, play is as spontaneous as breathing. Sadly, most grown-ups have lost that skill. Our children can be our refresher course.

Playing with your child brings you back to the present, reminds you of what matters, and slows you down long enough to smell the roses. It also connects you emotionally with your child, rebuilding the closeness that the fast-paced, boring routines of life are all too quick to strip away.

Playing together is even more important for your child than it is for you, because she needs to feel close to you to feel loved and happy. If you’ve neglected time together for long enough, it may appear that your child isn’t interested in your attentions. She may even tell you as much. But that’s just bluster, hiding the fear that you will disappoint her again if she lets herself wish for time alone with you. If you initiate playing together, and do it at frequent intervals, even the most aloof pre-teen will start to look forward to it and, in time, throw herself into the fun.

What kind of playing should you do? Pay attention to the activities your child engages in: his idea of enjoyment. If these things seem boring to you, try hanging out nearby, observing as he does them, with words that express your curiosity. You just may find you actually develop a genuine interest. If your child is a couch potato, take up your perch on the couch beside him, but after you’re allowed “in,” initiate some play that might be more pleasant than TV.

Think back to what you did as a child that was memorable, especially activities you did with your parents that stay with you still. Think about things that are free or cost little, that involve experiencing life together. Start a list of ideas as they come, and add any of the following that you resonate with:

• Raking stacks of autumn leaves, then jumping or rolling in them
• Taking a hike through the forest preserve
• Skating at the roller rink together
• Walking the dog, taking turns with the rope
• Reading comics or joke books together (or books of poetry or stories)
• Making cookies, pizza or a cake
• Building a fort out of snow or chairs and blankets
• Playing hide and seek, hide the thimble, cards or board games
• Lying on a blanket looking up at the stars
• Sitting in front of the wood stove in a dark room, telling stories
• Making shadow figures on the wall with your hands and a flashlight
• Having a treasure hunt
• Roasting marshmallows over a fire
• Watching a parade
• Going to the aquarium, zoo or museum
• Flying kites together
• Building something
• Making a scrapbook
• Making up a silly poem or song
• Watching a movie, with popcorn and no interruptions
• Playing a memory game, like “I’m going to Grandma’s house, and in my suitcase I’m going to pack …”
• Getting up early to watch the sunrise from a hill
• Playing games of pretend
• Going somewhere special, like the beach
• Having a pancake picnic in the snow

Playing together is different than finding entertaining activities for your child. Play involves you, while entertainment excuses you from the picture. If you find yourself saying, “But my schedule is too busy for any of the things on that list,” consider whether your schedule needs some pruning. After all, who’s going to remember in 20 years if you stay late at work or not next Tuesday? But will your child ever forget the Tuesday you ride the rollercoaster together?

Closeness with a child cannot be taken for granted. Like any other relationship, it will slip away unless it’s made a priority. Nothing builds trust and bonding with a child like sharing a moment of silliness and laughter. Come together for light-hearted play, and you just may find your child opens up about serious subjects. The relaxed atmosphere of play helps us let our guard down and reveal more of ourselves.

When you play together, let your child feel like the most important person in your world. Give him your undivided attention: no cell phones, no interruptions, no slipping into your own private thoughts. Be present – body, mind and spirit. Then let yourself do whatever comes naturally, with the abandon you felt when you yourself were a child. Your instincts will be your guide.

Growing closer through play is easy. It just takes dedicated moments, given on a fairly regular basis, so your child begins to count on having time with you.

Let your child re-teach you the wonderful secrets of play. You both will feel more secure and peaceful – and a whole lot happier, as the reason you do it all for, starts to come back to you.

Winsome is author of “Go for Your Goals” for kids – a set of downloadable e-books that guide your child through the joyful steps of learning visualization, goal-setting and the Law of Attraction. Simple language enhanced with beautiful illustrations and worksheets make these books appealing and motivating. To learn more, visit www.4lifehappykids.com

How do You Raise Children With a Full Happy?

As a grandmother and self-help writer, I’m often asked by readers, “How do you raise happy kids?” This is a question near and dear to every loving parent’s heart. No matter what we teach them, if we haven’t taught them how to be happy, or can’t parent in a way that makes them feel happy, it’s rather all for naught, isn’t it? So it’s a very pertinent question.

I’ve been blessed with having two happy children and two happy grandchildren. I applied certain principles in raising my kids, and see my son and daughter-in-law apply the same in raising their adorable daughters, Klara and Stina. In this article, I’ll share two tips I’ve learned along the way.

The first is the importance of modeling happiness. You can’t give something you don’t have. How can you teach kids happiness if you don’t have it yourself? Some parents think loving their family means living only for them, driving them everywhere, cleaning up after them, and putting their kids’ needs and desires way ahead of their own. Parenting shouldn’t turn us into a short-order restaurant or a cleaning or taxi service. It does for some parents. That teaches kids a bad lesson.

A child who perceives his parent as a servant, someone whose life has meaning only through catering to his whims, learns to be selfish. He comes to believe others exist to do his bidding. I have a friend who was raised like that, and she tells me when she grew up, she kept having the strange feeling, “Where are all the servants?” Being catered to was such an ingrained part of her childhood that adjusting to adulthood was difficult for her, because “the servants” were missing. 

Kids who are raised this way tend to feel the world owes them a living. So breaking out of the “doormat” mode, if you’re in one, is pretty central to giving your kid a chance at a smooth transition to happy adulthood. 

When you take care of yourself, make time for yourself, and do things that make you happy, your child learns those behaviors from you. If she sees you going for your dreams and making decisions based on your inner truth, she learns that doing those things is good. On the other hand, if you model dropping everything to fulfill her latest dictate, she learns that parenting means self-denial and victimization. She may then become a self-effacing parent herself or go the other extreme and forego parenting entirely because it looks like such a sacrifice.

So to raise happy kids, be good to yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity the same as you treat your child. Don’t allow disrespect toward you any more than you’d allow someone to be rude to your kids. Make time for your creative desires and dreams. Plan in some scheduled personal time each week (or day), and make sure that you take it. 

Let your kids see you’re doing this, and tell them the reason: “Mommy needs to have some fun, too,” or “Moms need time every day to relax.” This shows your child that you value yourself, and that personal time is important to everyone’s happiness.

The second tip I’ve learned for raising happy kids is the tremendous value of focused attention. The best form this can take is uninterrupted, one-on-one personal time with your child. Think back to your own childhood and some of your happiest memories. Chances are they include that hike you took with Dad, or the time you and Mom went to the restaurant for a dessert. 

When we set aside an hour or two to be with our child, away from distractions and interruptions, we tell him he is important and loved. Giving focused attention is much more powerful than the diffused attention kids get while we cook dinner, drive them somewhere, or break up conversations to take calls on our cell phone. 

Children thrive on loving, focused, personal attention the way plants thrive on sunshine. Structure in some focused attention every day, even if it’s only for five or ten minutes. Look at your child when he talks to you, so he knows you’re completely with him. In love, it’s the subtle things that count.

Giving focused attention teaches self-worth: your child knows she’s valuable because you value her, enough to carve out time for you and her, uninterrupted by the world, for those moments. That spells love, and when she knows you love her, by your actions not your words, that brings security and heart fulfillment, essential foundations of happiness.

In this busy world where parents work two jobs and where kids’ social calendars can rival those of debutants, it isn’t easy to make time to take care of yourself and uninterrupted time for you and your child. But for happiness, nothing could be more important. Think about your schedule, what is nonessential that you can cut out, or wasted moments that you can eliminate. Use that harvested time to be good to you and your kid. Your child’s happiness, and yours, depend on it. 

Winsome is author of “Go for Your Goals” for kids – a set of downloadable e-books that guide your child through the joyful steps of learning visualization, goal-setting and the Law of Attraction. Simple language enhanced with beautiful illustrations and worksheets make these books appealing and motivating. To learn more, visit www.4lifehappykids.com

Miss Universe Japan Multiracial

Ariana Miyamoto made headlines around the world earlier this month after becoming the first multiracial contestant to be crowned Miss Universe Japan – but not everyone in Japan is celebrating.

Miyamoto, who was born to a Japanese mother and an African-American father, is a Japanese citizen, but the 20-year-old is facing criticism for being hāfu, or half-Japanese. ”Is it okay to choose a haafu to represent Japan?” one commenter wrote online after Miyamoto’s win, according to a translation by the Washington Post.

Another: “Even though she’s Miss Universe Japan, her face is foreign no matter how you look at it!”

In a conference with reporters after her win, Miyamoto, who is from Nagasaki and holds a 5th degree mastery of Japanese Caligraphy, said she didn’t “look Japanese” on the outside, but there were many things about her that made her Japanese.

Being mixed-race in Japan is not a new phenomenon, but the debate over “being Japanese enough” is one that has drawn attention worldwide thanks to the internet. Laura Perez Takagi, co-director of the film Hafu: The Mixed-Race Experience in Japan, told NBC News, “In a country where the majority of fashion beauty magazines and TV shows are reigned by ‘hāfu’ models and actors … It was actually about time that a mixed-race Japanese girl won the Miss Universe pageant.”

Japan is not the only country that has faced beauty pageant backlash related to its winner’s ethnicity. In 2013, 7-year-old Jakiyah McKoy was stripped of the title of Little Miss Hispanic Delaware because officials ruled she was not “Latina enough” (her undocumented grandmother was Dominican, but McKoy had no papers to prove it), and Miss New York Nina Davuluri faced criticism from online detractors when she became the first Indian-American woman to be crowned Miss America. 

“I have always viewed Miss America as the girl next door, and the girl next door is evolving as the diversity in America evolves,” Davuluri said. Miyamoto will represent Japan in the 2015 Miss Universe pageant.